gah i miss it so much ... its a horrid thing to do i know it but i so wish that i could just have it again ... ive promised never do it again to so many but ... that promise hasnt been well kept ... to those that ive ... "crossed" im sorry but its an addiction i may never get over ... its definitely something ill have to live with for the rest of my life ... idk what to do about it but it seems to be the only way to get out my anger clearly enough ... ... ... to any of those who ive hurt or dragged into my "shananigans" ... im sorry ... you kno i love you guys and want you to never get hurt ... gomenasai ...